Month: January 2019

Hard Working vs Smart Working

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Ram and Vengi create websites for local businesses. Here’s the difference between working hard and working smart: WORKING HARD: Vengi visits the business owner… Offers his wide variety of services. Vengi likes … Continue reading Hard Working vs Smart Working

The Faces of Indian Marriages!!!!

Arranged Marriage vs Love Marriage – Which is Happy and Successful?

According to Indian definition,

Successful Marriage = Couple who lived with each other for 60 years or so till one of them died.

And in these 60 years, there might have been a dozen extra-marital affairs, a hundred nights of physical abuse. The couple may even have hated each other behind closed doors. But just bcoz they never got divorced, Indians by default will include it in the list of “successful marriages” survey.

But is that how it should be?

A surviving marriage may or may not be “successful” in the true sense.

Till our previous generations, most Indians had arranged marriages, and many times, people lived on, despite all odds. I personally have seen couples of older generations, living together for 40–50 years. But they cannot stand each other one bit. They are just adjusting for the sake of society and their children.

And in many cases, women (of older generations) tolerate domestic abuse and live on, because they are not financially independent. This happens, especially in rural areas.

Thus, arranged marriages being “more successful” is an exaggeration, if not entirely a myth. It is a perception that they are more successful, bcoz for many societal reasons, many, many couples of arranged marriages live on against their wishes.

But that is not to say, that all arranged marriages are unhappy. There are tons of couples of arranged marriage who are very happy and stable.

Coming to love marriages,

They too come with their set of flaws. Divorces in love marriages have their set of reasons. Most of the so called love marriages are immature hormone addled decisions.

It’s one thing being in love, dressing up in your best clothes and being on your best behavior when you are courting each other and meeting up for a few hours a few times a weekl.

It’s another thing when you have to live together under the same roof 24/7. That’s when the gremlins crawl out of the hiding places. All those small things which you didn’t even think about, because they are little things? Well they all add up and snowball until it becomes unbearable.

Many times,

Young couples marry whimsically, not realizing the practicality of the situation(like lack of financial stability, mis-match of culture and mentality of boy and girl, etc). In the courtship period, everything looks flowery. But once marriage happens, true colours of both partners come out. By the time, they realize their folly, it is too late. Many live on. Others head for divorce.

Arranged marriages,

On the other hand, arranged marriage is a “safer bet” with both sets of Indian parents practically doing investigations of the “other side” to make sure, this is the best match. If the bride n groom get lucky, they might fall head over heels in love with one another. If not, then another 60 years of “successful marriage” to be included in surveys.

In my opinion both the type of marriages are good. Only the things do matters are:

1. Emotional support of each other.
2. A feeling of safety, friendship and trust.
3. A feeling that the spouse is central to his or her world.
4. A strong sense of morality.
5. Each finds pleasure and comfort in the others company.

Conclusion:

So. Arranged / Love marriage is not the criteria to be happy and successful, But “ love in marriage” is…!!!

If you are a tolerant, please read further for better perception, I have elaborated with four different instances for deeper understanding .

Story number 1-

Maya is a well-educated, working girl. When her parents put a proposal of marriage in front of her, she revealed that she already had a boyfriend. The boy was an engineering graduate & unemployed, but from a well-off family. And most importantly from the same community as the girl. Initially, her parents were reluctant to get her married to him as he was not earning his livelihood. But the girl gave them two options, ‘either get me married to him or let me remain unmarried for my entire life’. She knew the weakness of Indian parents well! Then they went with her desire.

Six months later, maya came back to parents’ home and never went back! The reason was quite valid. Post-wedding she got to know that the guy was suffering from bipolar disorder! She didn’t have any idea about that as he was on regular medication, but stopped the medication after marriage for God knows what reason. Later they applied for a divorce and now the girl is happily married to another man in an arranged marriage set-up.

Story number 2-

Abi fell in love with someone from her graduation days. The man is from Jharkhand and the girl from Karnataka. They dated for around 4–5 years after which both of them convinced their respective parents and got married. Though convincing parents was not a cake walk, they were adamant about their stand. They didn’t care about what relatives and neighbours may talk about them.

They are happily married for four years now with a beautiful baby girl. Their 2 States too got a happy ending!

Story number 3 –

We know a family consisting of Father, Mother and a Son. Being a single child he enjoyed all the pampering from parents, he was soft natured and well behaved. He was well-settled too, the only negative point is that he was a bit obese. After trying for many years, he got married to a well-educated, working woman. She was beautiful too. Everything seemed to be fine for a few months post-wedding.

Then they broke the news that new couple are getting divorced! I don’t really know the reason, but their marriage lived for too short period. I pity them!

Story number 4-

The girl was well-educated and employed. She was dark-skinned and obese ( Don’t judge me, there is a reason why I am mentioning it here). After she turned 23, her parents started searching for a suitable groom. All the proposals were bit disappointing like the boy is ten years elder to her or unemployed. She kept defying every proposal. She was about to get convinced she has to make compromise about her choices.

Then came a boy. He was fair, tall, fit, a graduate, earning well, from a well-off family. There was no valid reason to reject him. She was all head over heels for him. And quite surprisingly, he liked her too, he found no flaws in her!

They got married soon and recently they gave birth to a beautiful girl! Theirs is a perfect family now!

Okay! Story time ends here. Let’s draw some conclusion from the above stories now.

1 & 2 tells you two different love stories. Whereas 3 & 4 are arrange marriage stories. If you keenly observe , there are imperfections in all their lives! There is an arranged marriage which has failed and a love marriage which makes you jealous! So there is nothing like only love marriages fail or only arrange marriages make a happy family.

If you love someone, take time, understand them. Don’t hurry. If you feel that you are made for each other, never leave them! No matter how much you have to struggle to convince your parents, no matter how long you have to wait, get married. Keep them!

Arranged / Love marriage is not the criteria to be happy, “ love in marriage” is.

Success in marriage life is highly subjective and it’s you who is responsible for the outcome.

Hope you enjoyed reading this article. This is what little I have understood about marriages. Correct me if I’m wrong :)..

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